I wish…

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As I scroll to thousands of pictures posted on Facebook by my High School friends, classmates, and the Student Council featuring memories from High School events that happened before the pandemic, I realized a lot of things while reminiscing the past.

I wish I could have enjoyed High School more.

I should have opened up more. That, I did not restrict myself from doing things that other High School students do. I wish I was able to show them my true potential. I wish I could’ve done better. I wish I realized sooner that, it is not wrong to have “fun”.

Now that I am a sophomore student in College, I realized that I did miss a lot of things that might lead me to a happier state back then because right now, I get to see that I took everything for granted. The spontaneous trips to the City just to relieve stress, going to school as early as 6:30 in the morning to review for quizzes or exams, dining with friends, meeting halfway with my groupmates during the weekends to do a requirement, shooting videos, laughing at each groups’ funny performances, partying, occasional drinking, crying and talking about life while walking through the boulevard of dreams, are the things that I regret taking for granted. At this time, with the situation, it is hard to do those things again — with a new set of friends, in a different place.

I wish I should’ve let other people think whatever they wanted to think about me, and just — do my own thing.

I wish that I realized sooner that I don’t do shit to please other people. I was so scared to be judged again by other people back then that I built a wall around me, and what I did not realize is that not everyone will like us. I wish was able to express who I really am. My style, my taste in music, my thoughts, and my creativity.

Now that I am older and wiser, I realized that it is okay to have fun, to give your best, to express yourself, to try things out, to let other people think whatever they want, and lastly, it is okay to not restrict yourself, and just do what you want because, at the end of the day, it is all about the experiences that leads us to grow as a responsible human being.

I wish that my sixteen-year-old self was able to realize these things sooner for her to be able to know what real happiness is.